Tonight I’m Gonna Party Like It’s 1776

Because Barack Obama won the election?  Partly, yes.  But mostly because of this:

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new guards for their future security.

It feels like we’re starting over, doesn’t it?  Now we have a chance.  Now we can at least have hope.  Now we can come together as one, the way it was meant to be, to move forward towards a common good.  It is here, today, right now, that I once again have some small measure of hope in our government, our process, our leaders, our people.  I hope I don’t disappoint myself………or you.

There will be a tendency to rest, to relax, to relish in the victory of the day.  It is natural, expected, and even required, as far as I’m concerned.  But at the end of the day, this day, is when the real work begins.  Like the Southern Reconstruction, it will not happen over night.  But it will happen.

We have won the battle, yet the war rages on.  We are a government of the people, for the people, and by the people.  For the last eight years, we have been under the oppression of a government for the government, by the government.  With enough support to carry us forward over the next four years, and hopefully the next eight, we can continue to turn this country around so that our children, and even their children will not only have something to be proud of, but will have the story to tell about how their parents and grandparents saved the country from certain disaster.

I have always been proud to be an American, though never more proud than today.  Today our country can begin the journey back to being a leader instead of a bully.  A cornerstone of Democracy instead of a sand castle built on fear and greed.  A beckoning light, instead of a dark tunnel of despair.  It’s good to be here.  I hope you’ll stay and enjoy the ride with me, tomorrow and well beyond as I discuss with you the issues of the day, be them political or not.

As for the Republicans………St Jerome said it best I think.  “The Roman world is falling, yet they hold their heads high.”

Yeah………..this has been the other side of Duke.  He shows up every so often.  Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

A Message From John McCain

One of the McCain campaign’s insiders whom I’m close to leaked this early draft of McCain’s election eve commercial to me.  They left the uncorrected comments in.  Here it is:

Suckers, My friends, tomorrow I’m totally fucked is “the big day.”  I want to take just a moment to try and scare you into voting for me inform you once again of some of the critical issues our great nation faces, and how, if I’m privileged enough to become the next President of our country, I will handle them.

Our economy is fundamentally strong.  And even though by my own admission, I don’t know much about it, I think it’s pretty much okay. in trouble.  Senator Obama’s plan is to spread the wealth.  That’s called Socialism, my friends.  My plan keeps everyone in their place.  My plan makes everyone who earns less than $200,000.00 a year a service worker, just like Joe the Plumber, who remains indebted to me and the Republican party at large. My plan is better.  Together, we can achieve this goal.

We are fighting two wars, my friends.  The war in Iraq is completely out of control, thanks to that dickhead with a daddy complex, George Bush, who has ruined any hope of me winning the White House succeeding, and we will not come home until I get some sort of satisfaction for when I was a prisoner of war in the only war we’ve ever lost we are victorious.  Afghanistan, well, as I’ve said, I know how to find Barack Obama Osama Bin Laden and if you elect me, I’ll do just that.  If you don’t elect me, I’ll just keep that information to myself as payback.

Senator Obama’s energy plan would have us driving electric scooters to work and living in the dark ages.  My plan isn’t much better, but at least I’ll make some serious cash from all the kick backs form the builders of the nuclear energy plants will have us drilling an oil well in every back yard of every home that has been foreclosed on energy independent in my lifetime but only if they invent some sort of freeze me and then bring me back to life technology by the year 1987 the next decade.

On the issue of “Jobs”, you lazy fucks my friends, we need to get the little people Americans back to work.  A working class America is how the rest of us get rich what makes our country strong.  Senator Bin Laden Obama wants to extend unemployment for out of work losers Americans.  I say, get a job you bunch of bums we need to stimulate the economy by giving away all the money to Wall Street means of a strong stream of trickle down economic incentives to the rich that benefit only the rich everyone.

Education is key to maintaining the balance of power ensuring that select our children have a bright future.  Our education system is right where we want it, keeping most people (white trash, ghetto blacks, Latino’s, etc.) out of the system one of the cornerstones of our economy.  College tuition is “expensive,” and if I’m elected, I’ll make sure it become more expensive that changes.

So remember, my friends, a vote for John McCain on November 5th 4th is a vote for George Bush me, and I’ve been supporting our President for all 8 years.  If that isn’t proof enough for you, ask yourself this question:  Am I better off today older than I was 8 years ago?  If you answered yes, then you must vote for me, “my friends.”

I’m George John McCain, and I approved this message.

Hi! Billy Mays Here…….

I watched Obama’s 30 minute commercial last night.  I was impressed.  Really.  But, I am getting a little tired of the main stream media referring to it as an infomercial, which it definitely was not.  Believe me, as both a former 2nd shifter, and current insomniac, i know my infomercials forwards and backwards, and this just wasn’t one.  Here’s why:

• Obama’s commercial was centered around change, and hope.  An infomercial would have been centered around a bullshit problem you don’t really have, with a bullshit solution you don’t really need.

• Obama’s commercial was well-made, from a production standpoint.  An infomercial usually looks like it was put together in the back lot of a porn production set during off hours.

• Obama’s commercial didn’t implore you to act now, while supplies last.  It implored you to act later….six days later.  And don’t try to sell me that shit about early voting.  Everybody knows that those votes all go in the fucking trash anyway.  Don’t believe me?  Go watch HBO’s Hacking Democracy.

• Obama’s commercial featured real fucked up people, with real fucked up problems.  An infomercial features out of work actors who had to beg the day shift manager at Denny’s for a day off because “this really is my big break, Warren!  Can’t you see that?”

• Obama’s commercial was sort of sad.  I mean, Jesus, it showed how totally fucked most of us really are.  Infomercials are happy and exciting.  They’ll have you pulling your wallet out faster than Larry Craig at a pay toilet in the airport.

• Obama’s commercial didn’t try to up-sell you by doubling your order for the same low price (just pay extra shipping and handling).  An infomercial has so many “but wait, we’re not through yet” incentives tacked on that by the time they’re done, I’m trying to actually stuff my money through the little holes in my phone’s mouthpiece.

• Obama’s commercial was quite clear: we face difficult issues, and that the road ahead is long and hard.  If it was an infomercial, he would have said that the issues would practically melt away in our sleep, and the dents, dings and scratches from the road ahead would be restored like magic.

• Obama’s commercial was easy to follow, and didn’t try to trick me.  An infomercial usually puts a few 30 second “commercials” (about the same fucking product) within their infomercial, trying to make you think that you’re not really watching an infomercial, but an actual T.V. show.  Uh, I’m not an idiot.

Obama’s commercial left me feeling like maybe there is a way out of this mess we’re in.  Maybe we should be hopeful.  Maybe we can do something about the economy, the jobs, the housing mess, our health-care system, our education system.  Maybe real change is coming.  Maybe my government really does care about me.  Maybe…….aw, fuck.  It was an infomercial, wasn’t it?

It was a good one though.

Are We There Yet?

The Presidential election lately reminds me of my family vacations when I was a kid.  We’d plan for weeks, finally stuff the station wagon full with every last little bit of shit we owned, pile in, and take off for the lake.  After about 25 or 30 “are we there yets?” dad would pull over and threaten us with physical injury if we asked that question just one more time.  Funny how the threat of physical violence will take the joy out of something, isn’t it?

The media has pretty much ran out of material, having been reduced to counting how many times McCain uses “air quotes” in his speeches.  Senator Obama wants to “spread the wealth.”  Senator Obama wants to “raise taxes.”  He’s a “Socialist.”  He’s a “Communist.”  He’s a “Muslim.”  He’s a “Marxist.”  He’s against “Joe” the “Plumber.”   He’s not “experienced enough” to “lead” our “country.”  He’s “blah” “blah” “blah.”

At the risk of suffering physical violence, are we “there” “yet?”  Please vote America.  I’m “begging you.”

Vote For McCain. He’s Got Good People!

I’ve looked at the issues.  I’ve vetted the candidates.  I’ve watched the debates.  I’ve listened to the concerns of my fellow Americans.  But still, with this kind of intelligence out there, one wonders, am I missing something?

Get Off Biden’s Ass Already

God the mainstream media has just fucking lost it.  There is simply too much coverage for the available news that’s out there.  To wit: yesterday Joe Biden said that Barack Obama is going to be tested if he gets elected.  Apparently, because they had nothing else to talk about, the media pounced on that like Holy on the Pope.

Of course he’s going to be tested, you fucking morons.  Every President that’s ever been elected has been tested by some group or faction or country in one way or another.  Every. Single. One.  All the way back to wooden tooth Washington himself. All Biden was doing was telling the truth.  It’s about time the people of this country not only demand the truth from our politicians, but get used to hearing it when they actually say so.  But the media doesn’t like that idea.  Jesus, where’s the angle, where’s the shit, where’s the conflict, where’s the drama if everyone is out there running around spewing the truth all God-damned day.  Our ad revenues won’t be for shit!

And now a word for all you McCain supporters out there: You think they wouldn’t test McCain if he wins the election?  Wake the fuck up.  Get real.  Get a life.  In fact, get lost…..especially on election day.

Uh Oh

Uh, I’ve got a problem.  I was watching the news last night, and I discovered that John McCain and I agree on something.  I know, I know, I was shocked too at first.  Here’s what happened:  Yesterday I wrote that Joe the Plumber was the real winner in the final Presidential debate.  Well, apparently, the McCain campaign people read my blog because yesterday during his speeches, that’s all he talked about.  Joe the Plumber this and Joe the Plumber that.  It went on and on.  I’ve got to say, I’m sort of flattered.

Now for all you naysayers out there who want to try and tell me that It’s just coincidence, well, then how do you explain this? Huh?

Clearly, the McCain campaign people, and John McCain himself have seen the light.  They have read my blog, they agree with what I think, and have decided to shift their focus from trying to win the White House to promoting my site.  Yea John!  Thanks buddy!

I am now officially a McCain supporter, so all you Obama lovers out their can kiss my white ass.  Me and John are headed straight to the White House, and with Duke Daley and The Daily Duke behind the scene of the McCain campaign, there’s no stopping us now.  It’s gonna be bitchin too.  I’ll get to hang out with rich and powerful people, make new friends, eat a lot of pork, and finally live the good life.  God it’s gonna be kick ass!

So long suckers!  I got mine.

Is It Me, Or Is It Hot In Here?

Tonight’s the big night.  The third and final debate of the Presidential election.  I guess it’s a big night if you’re rooting for John McCain, hoping he’ll pull a moose out of his ass or something, but if you’re pulling for Obama, it’ll probably be business as usual.

Let’s face it, McCain is struggling, the poll gap is getting wider by the day, and his campaign has lost it’s direction.  Uh, pilot to co-pilot, we’re going down in McFlames.

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